[Silmaril23]

I stumbled across this website when I typed "grieving for my cat" into a search engine. After reading many of the posts here I felt compelled to tell the story of my little Leo, and his passing, to an audience who will understand my pain.

Leo came to me when I was living in Korea last year. Some friends of found him lost and meowing piteously in some bushes next to a river. They knew I was looking for a cat to adopt, and brought him to me. He was approximately six weeks old, maybe younger. Such a tiny, perfect kitten! He was not any special breed, just a Korean domestic short-hair. He was the most beautiful shade of slate grey, with a snow-white stomach, throat and nose, and golden eyes. I would have loved him no matter what his colouring was...but I have always found grey cats particularly striking, and was so happy when I first saw him!

As a kitten he would wrestle furiously with my socks and pieces of string. He loved to play...I bought him toys and when I waved the string in front of him he would jump straight into the air, literally straight up off of all four legs, simultaneously! As he grew older he never stopped playing. He even played fetch, with his favourite mouse toy! I had never seen a cat play fetch before. As long as I would throw his mouse, he would bring it back to me. He was so smart.

He also sucked his tail, from a young age (probably because he was separated from him mother a little too early). At any hour of the day I might find him curled up on the sofa or on my bed, with his little tail grasped between his two front paws, nursing away and purring loudly. It was utterly adorable and endearing.

Leo was my dear constant companion. He brought me such joy by winding around my legs when I would come home from work, by curling up next to me on my bed at night, by stretching out on his back with his stomach in the air when I was reading or watching TV. Just looking at him made me happy...so much wonderful fuzziness and grace. He would cross his paws so elegantly one minute, and then bury his face in a pillow the next, just like a little kid cozying up in his blankets. I used to scoop him up in my arms and bury my face in his soft fur. More often than not, he would start purring whenever I petted or hugged him. He would let me hold him in my arms like a baby, with his little face peeking over the top.

Two months ago I moved back to the States from Korea. It was very expensive to bring Leo on the plane, but leaving him there wasn't even an option. I paid the money and Leo and I made the long journey together. It was worth every single penny to keep my wonderful friend close to my side.

Last Monday, on November 09, 2009, Leo was outside in my yard in the morning when he was killed by my landlord's dog. It was totally unexpected and horrific. I didn't know that the landlord and his dogs were coming that day...but I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for putting little Leo outside at that time. I keep replaying it over and over in my mind...if only he'd been inside at that moment! If only he'd been inside!

Thank God, I didn't see it happen...I just heard a commotion and then when I went to check on him the landlord told me. I was in total shock. I collapsed in uncontrollable tears immediately after that. My boyfriend was with me and I asked him to go get my darling Leo's body for me. My boyfriend loved Leo too...after he found his body, he made him a wooden casket. I put Leo's favorite blanket and mouse toy inside, and wrote a letter to him on the lid of his casket. We buried him under a tree in the yard and marked the grave with a cross of stones. I want to plant something there eventually...maybe catnip or a rose bush.

I couldn't bear to look at his body, but my boyfriend said that he didn't suffer much. Still, I can hardly stand to think of the fear he must have felt in those last seconds of life...my poor, poor baby!

I cried continuously and inconsolably for one full day...even took the day off work. That was three days ago, and I'm still crying periodically. Waves of deep, deep grief and loss keep washing over me. That first day I didn't try to hide it, but now that some time has passed, I feel like I have to disguise how truly sad I am, because the people around me don't fully understand. Which is why I needed to write Leo's story here.

Leo was infinitely precious and special to me. There will never be another like him, and I miss him terribly, terribly, terribly.

Rest in peace, my sweet, dear friend. May there be warm sunshine, and tuna, and endless playthings wherever you are.

[kirty]

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't beat yourself up, it was just a horrible accident. You showed Leo more love and compassion in his short life than many people show their cats in a decade. He knew you loved him and I have no doubt he will always be by your side. RIP Leo.

ETA: Everybody here understands your grief. We have all been through it sadly. Don't feel pressured to hide it or ignore it, it is real and it hurts. Eventually though, the pain will ease and you will be able to smile when you think of all the great times you had together.

This post has been edited by kirty: 12 November 2009 - 06:31 PM

[Avalon]

So sorry to hear of your sudden loss , nothing we say can take the pain away but we have all suffered a loss of some sort remember the beautiful and loving things he did and the joy you had with him in the time he was with you. Leo would have known you loved him dearly and I reckon he is watching over you. As Kirty said dont beat yourself up I know its easier said than done because we all say what if this what if that, you will never know but one thing you do is that he LOVED you and you and your partner loved him

Sweet little Leo fly high and play all day and night
Cherie

[CatsRU]

I have read your post and I am in tears - what a horrible tragedy but definitely not your fault. As someone said, we do understand your grief and know that it will take a good time to get over your sadness and hopefully remember all the good times you had with your beautiful Leo.

RIP Leo - you are now flying with the angels.

Hugs to you.

[♥Brooke♥]

So sorry for your loss.
RIP Leo.

[Xenacatte]

I am in tears as I read about the precious little one who was so beloved and loved by you -they really make indelible pawprints on your heart and you love these little ones as if they were a beloved child or member of your family. To lose a little furry is heartbreaking in such a tragic way. Sending deepest condolences and hugs to you tonight-the overwhelming grief and saddness you are feeling is completely normal-the loss of a furry can be as devastating as losing a beloved human. To express grief is absolutely ok and it will take time to work thru it-do it in your own way and your own time-it does ebb and flow like the tide on a beach,and even later comes back when you least expect it. I lost my Xena on 12/10/09 and I am still grieving very much At the top of this section are many pinned articles and websites about pet loss and the Rainbow Bridge, where our beloved furries go-loke pet heaven and where we are reunited with them when we pass over.
Leo may you RIP little one and be happy on the Bridge.
Blessings to you tonight
Chris
PS a big welcome to Cat World

[Winscar]

Ohh this is soo sad. I too am in tears.
I light a candle for my beautiful Oscar every Friday to remember the day he left me for RB. Tonight I will think of your darling Leo.

[*Flick*]

another one in tears here. RIP Leo. He was obviously very loved and treasured, he was a lucky boy to have you.

[Sophie_and_Oscars_Mum]

I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. Leo was in no doubt he was a much loved and treasured kitty, he was a very lucky boy. Hugs from me.

[Silmaril23]

It's one week today since my sweet companion was taken from me. I am burning a candle for him and trying to focus on how much joy he gave me while he was in my life.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to my post. Your kind words help to soothe the pain of my loss. It helps to know that others have felt what I am going through.

Thanks again.

[Linda K]

the hardest part of letting a cat into your life and heart is the sure knowledge that you will outlive them, and have to go through that pain, but the sheer joy and love that they bring into your life more than compensates for this. I too am in tears reading your story of your too short a time with Leo, but know that you made such difference to his life, and he knew all the time he was with you that he was loved, that is such an important thing to anything or anyone in life. You are definitely here with others who know what you are going through, and share our sorrow, and joy in having let this little one in your life and touch your heart

RIP Leo, fly free little angel

[Kristen]

That is absolutely tragic Huge hugs, I know how devastating it can be to lose a beloved pet

[Lara]

I am so sorry to read your post about Leo. He was obviously a very special boy and was very much loved. As already mentioned, most of us on Cat World have had to suffer the loss of a much loved cat, though not all in such shocking circumstances. Don't be afraid though to cry and be sad, your tears are a testament to your love for him. ((((hugs))))

[littlevampirebites]

I am so sorry to hear about Leo. I too am in tears, what an awful awful tragedy. I am glad you have been able to find an outlet to share with like-minded people. Grief is so hard to deal with and talking to people who may not understand is hard. I just lost my baby on the 25th and it is very difficult, especially when you see a toy they played with or a place they used to sleep.

Lots of hugs to you and your boyfriend, may your little guy rest in peace.

Nicole