[amydans]

Hi All,

Hoping to find some words of wisdom on the recent behavior of my cat. I now have one cat, Tom. I did have two cats, they were brothers from the same litter and they got along very well. They are 3 years old. Unfortunately, last week Beckett passed away. Tom had always been the dominant of the two and somewhat standoffish and independant. The two cats would often lay together and groom each other. Now that Beckett is gone, it seems that Tom has undergone a total personality change. He is constantly roaming the house and meowing and seeking attention Beckett died here at home and Tom was right there beside him, but of course I don't think he understands. He seems very needy, which is completely unlike the way he was when Beckett was around. Is there anything I can do to help him in this transition?

Thanks in advance for any advice,

Amy

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[CatsRU]

Would you consider getting another cat for Tom to keep him company?

[fleabag]

He REALLY misses his brother ..the wandering and calling are him searching..give him lots of cuddles ..and try to distract him when he starts to get the wanders ..poor boy.
And yes a companion cat ..or even a dog will help..

This post has been edited by fleabag: 20 November 2009 - 07:25 AM

[CoralD]

He might find solace in a kitten...not too young, perhaps six months, so he doesn't feel he need to establish his superiority.

Did you let him sniff his brother's body....realise that he was dead? Apparently cats nee closure in the same way that humans do or they go looking for the cat that hs disappeared.

Meanwhile lots of extra cuddles and reassurance. and Good Luck.
Coral

[amydans]

Yes, I know for sure that Tom saw Beckett dead because when I found Beckett, Tom was right beside him licking his fur. I may get another cat, but I am not sure right now. I worry that Tom would fight with him, he has always been standoffish and dominant. We'll see. Thank you, everyone for your quick replies.

[Linda K]

I saw a really good book at the book shop, by Vicky Halls, called Cat Detective, which is based on various case studies she has seen as feline behaviourist. One of them matched pretty much what you are describing, and her answer was the same as what you have gotten, he is grieving, and a new young cat in the household would help, when you are all ready

[monty_dweezil]

I've got that book, it's really good.

I'm so sorry about poor Beckett, and poor Tom left behind.

I've read (possibly in that very book actually) that it's very common for a previously independent and standoffish cat to almost take on more of the personality characteristics of their lost companion. It's not 100% just caused by the fact they're upset and sad and confused. It's also something else...they almost "make up" for the fact their friend is gone...

When my beautiful Sooty died many years ago (he was the dominant one), his close brother Tiger was so sad and lost. He didn't know where he'd gone. We talked to him about it but you know...he obviously didn't know, cause we had to take Sooty to the vet to be put to sleep...so he didn't get to see him right till the end. They were so close. I read that when a dominant cat dies and leaves the passive one behind, if the passive cat then becomes more dominant, it may have meant that he felt a bit dominated and not like he could be fully himself...whereas if the passive cat remains passive, it means that's just how he is and was most likely happy before (this is Tiger. He was still passive but just more clingy and cuddly than before)...I'd say Tom is very much missing his brother...he's being clingy to you as he used to towards Beckett...

I agree with everyone else about getting a new addition to the feline family, when you're ready.